Siti's Story

I have no regrets because everything that I've done has brought me to this place in my life.

I never thought that I would have a loving family, children and a husband of 26 years. It seems like only yesterday when I lived in mental hospitals due to frequent suicide attempts, popping prescription drugs like candy, smoking marijuana, drinking Bloody Mary's for breakfast, and sticking my finger down my throat to stay pencil thin.

I even stopped talking for weeks. I decided to stop talking because I thought that if I silenced the chatter of my voice I would hear God. Needless to say, my friends became extremely concerned. They wanted to help especially since they knew of my frequent suicide attempts and institutionalizations.

My addictions to drugs and alcohol exposed my mind to unrelenting mental torture. I'd take Quaaludes to sleep and Ritalin to work, or Valiums to sleep and marijuana to work. Up down, Up down, I was insane. I stopped the overt suicide attempts but I was still killing myself through starvation.

There had to be more to life than just getting by waiting or hoping for the day, I'd die. One foot in the world and one foot in a grave is no way to live.

One day, Lee, a special dear friend suggested that I go with him to a 4 AM prayer meeting. Lee knew from a message I had written him that I wanted to hear God, that I wanted to quiet the crazy chatter exploding in my mind. I stopped talking but I hadn't stopped writing.

Lee knew of a place in Philadelphia where every morning at 4 AM people would gather to say the Zikr prayer in unity. Zikr is the Remembrance of God. On Saturday, February 9, 1980, I was introduced to the Sufi Saint, Bawa Muhaiyaddeen, the leader of the Zikr prayer. Little did I know at the time that on this day not only would I fulfill my intentions to hear God within, but I would soon fulfill life long dreams of having a husband, family, happiness and love.

I invite you to read The Golden Words and to dwell in truth, wisdom and forgiveness that only God's love can provide. You can stop the chatter in your head, know inner peace, and realize your dreams too.

Siti